Missing in action

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I know that I have been missing in action. Ignoring this blog and you blatenly. Who would of thought that as much as I love to journal, that this would be hard and put off so much. I truly love to write and it really does help me sort things out. Putting thoughts in writing just make them so much clearer for me. When I started this project, I had such great hopes and ideas. I was so excited with the thought of a completely new journey for me. A entirely different new opportunity for growth, all shiney and bright, trying to understand where I am in this world. I know that this is supposed to be about organizing, clearing clutter, etc., and it is. But it also a learning process for me. And, thankfully, I am beginning to learn a few things about myself, the clutter and the organizing.



It is amazing how everything is connected. EVERYTHING! When I attack a single project, other issues rear their ugly heads. So, while I am cleaning my physical house, my mental house seems to be adjusting and sorting also. I strange things when I am clearing and organizing. Misplaced items, lost items and replaced items. Items that I don't even remembering owning. Each of these bring about thoughts and concerns about how things got so out of control. You would think with all my control issues, how could I be so out of control??? (Not that I am admitting to control issues.) I don't understand thinking that I am so much in control in my head with the voices, when it is so apparent to the outside world that I'm not. How does that work? See, I told you that I'm learning a few things already in this process.
One of the first things I have discovered about myself is that even though I want so badly to be left alone, time by myself, upon receiving it, I don't really want it. (Hmmm.) Or maybe want it under different circumstances. For instance, I had to go out of town for some business, and it turned out that I ended up going alone. Usually my husband or mother come with me. I was so excited to actually have a couple of days away and "all by myself". The plan (there's that word again) (see earlier posts) was to get business done, then just be alone - do what "I" want - do nothing. Lounge around the hotel room (my favorite place), read magazines, watch TV. Anything I wanted. Period!
Off I went on my escape. I checked into the hotel. Check. Brought new magazines. Check. New book. Check. Comfy pajamas. Check. Big comfy bed. Check.
All was good. It was exciting. So I thought.
I got business done, headed back to the hotel, went to my room, settled in then decided that Would go to the restaurant and have a nice quiet dinner and a fancy drink, sit back and enjoy. Right. This is nice, I said to myself. Peaceful, quiet, alone. And it was nice. After dinner, I went back to the room, got into my pajamas, carefully spread my book and magazines out. Sprayed the big comfy bed with linen spray that was so delightful, fluffed the pillows, all six of them. Wash my face, brushed my teeth and climbed into the bed. Good, right?? TV on, magazines open, linen spray, glass of water. Ahhhh. Sleep.



The next day was pretty much the same, business, dinner, settle in the bed with magazines and book. TV on. Then the strangest thing happened. I actually got a little lonesome. I know, how incredible is that?? After all, I am a grown up. It's not that I wasn't enjoying time alone. What I discovered was that I really "liked" my home. With all of it's problems, noises, distractions and confusion, I really liked, no loved, my home. The lesson I learned - "The grass isn't always greener on the other side." and that "There is no place like home." Pretty simple, isn't it. What a new concept. Now, on to the task.



During this past month, I haven't been slacking. One of the things I have cleared, was my dresser drawers. Again. This time being brave enough to part with all that I could not, would not wear and that which I saved hoping that someday I could wear. (Don't laugh, we all have those things in our possessions.) I was surprisingly strong, heaving out all. All but an old, old, very old gray french terry sweatshirt that embarrasses my entire family and that I have been forbid to wear out. Not that I would. I know if I left it unguarded for a moment, they would gladly and happily toss it out with yesterday's trash. I also found the eye glasses pictured above. Circa 1980's. What a flashback. I can't believe that they were in style once. I gave them to the Elk's eye bank. Hopefully someone will benefit from them.



I returned my daughter's desk that had been stored in our hallway for a year or so. During that year it gathered a plethora of stuff. It is amazing how much a small desk will hold in it's drawers and on it's top. But now it's gone and the hall is cleared. Since I was in the desk mode, I tackled my office (corner kitchen) desk. I found a newspaper that was misplace in December. Evidence of past endeavors, such as, business cards, product information, and a couple of past years calendars that I was saving for some reason now forgotten. Both desks had to be sorted, kept or tossed and organized. I was surprised how much crap that a space so small could hold.
From those desks, I went to other places on my list. I loaded up the trunk of my car with shoes, clothes, sofa pillows, assorted dog collars and leashes, a book or ten, and other odds and ends. I cleaned, painted and replanted flowers boxes on my mom's deck, weed my flower beds, dug out my plant pots from hiding, cleaned them up, and even bought some bedding plants for them. I went out of town on business, twice, worked at my real job, worked at my other job, reorganized my bill paying system and planned and executed a surprise seventy-fifth birthday party for my mom. Whew!!!! I have been busy, no wonder that I am tired.






In my spare time, I have been reading "The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin. It is an interesting look at basic instincts and trying to change them. Thinking before reacting. I am so enjoying it and seriously thinking about starting my own happiness project. It should go well with the purpose of this blog. It all makes sense in a weird sort of way. It comes down to you can't change everybody or anybody else, so you have to change yourself and your expectations of everyone else. It's about being more positive. I am not the normally cheery, perky kind of girl. Those of you who know me, know me to be more the sarcastic, darker type. Being on the dark side, makes attempting positive, and thinking positive definitely harder and not natural. I like to think that my sarcastic nature is enduring. (????) Those dark, evil, unkind thoughts slip in more often than naught. To retrain all of my voices, each with their own personality, to think positive is not an easy task. But I am trying. I am asking the universe, higher power, whatever you call it, for more positive thoughts, more organized rooms, closets and drawers. I am really trying to be more focused, more dedicated to my task. I know that when I stray from this, that it could be days or weeks (even months) before I return to the original course. It seems to be the way I work. On task, then way-layed off on a completely different path. It's that multitude of voices again. Damn!! With all of their bright and interesting ideas, all wanting to be at the head of the class. They are, I think, a very bad influence.



With all of the positive thinking stuff and the rededication of my focused efforts, I have discovered some other things:
1. I can be focused enough to finish a job to the end.
2. I realized that I can't do it all, all at once or all the time.
3. That taking time to do something nice, just for me, doesn't make the world come to an end. ( I know, amazing.)
4. And that keeping in touch or getting back in touch with friends, family and loved ones is very important to happiness. (Get ready, here I come!)

And finally, I discovered to truly listen to myself, my heart and my gut. And that some of the voices in my head are actually looking out for my best interest.
Renewed, re-energized, refocused and rededicated, I will go on now with my task - quieting the voices and clearing the crap, one piece at a time.
Until then.

I haven't posted any pictures of my pantry, so I thought that I would catch you up on the progress that is being made. It is not quite complete yet, the outside of the door still needs finishing. That part is out of my control, unless I really nagged (I have been known to do on occasion). But, it is so much better than it was. Now I can actually find what I'm looking for, and it is halfway neatly arranged. Not alphabetically, I am not that structured. Besides, if I did alphabetize, it would only last a day or so. Who has that much time? All of the soups, dry mixes, crackers and noodles that were older than my children are gone. It is a wondered that they still were there, we have moved at least twice since they have been out of the nest. The current ones are all in their baskets and bins. Everything in its place and a place for everything. Ahhhhhhh! At least that's the way it is inside my pantry.





I also have one more kitchen drawer decluttered and organized. All straight and sorted by shapes and sizes. Yep! No more voices in that drawer.



Along with these projects, I am attempting to make my body more organized and user friendly. I am taking it to the gym, working out. I even see a personal trainer to totally abuse it and then send it home. (I can't believe I pay for this torture!) The plan, someone keeps telling me, there always has to be a plan. Anyway, the plan is to workout at least three times a week and see the trainer once a week for a month. At this time I have done this for two weeks. Believe me my poor, old body is telling me all about the abuse. The voices are even complaining.

It is so hard to make time for exercise. Again, I must be a lot more popular and/or busy than I think I am, or maybe, just more unorganized than I give myself credit for. It all comes down to commitment. The desire is there, just the commitment needs work. Any change, even for the better, is difficult. My trainer says "Don't be so strict with yourself", "Give yourself room to make mistakes". I can tell he hasn't been hearing my voices! I seem to make my boundaries so unbendable that I set myself up for failure. It's hard to learn that it is alright to be human, to err, make mistakes, yes, and even fail sometimes. (That includes the dish of espresso madness ice cream I just ate.) You see, we are all human. We all don't meet our personal goals at times. That's what being human is all about. Learning to fail, get up, try again and don't beat yourself up over it. Whew! That is a huge, gigantic hurdle. I am a work in progress. Very slow progress. Very, very slow. Fortunately, I am seeing some small amount of progress. A tad bit better attitude, don't laugh. I understand that will be a shock to some of you. I even think I feel less weighed down. Not lighter (I wish!), but less weighed down. I have been working so hard at clearing out my house, organizing, sorting and cleaning, that I didn't notice the little changes that came with it. After three months of working on this challenge, I can see a difference. A difference in me. The side effect of this is less weight, less darkness and more light! Lighter in my physical surroundings and mentally.



So, I will continue on my journey. I'll continue going forward clearing the crap and quieting the voices, one piece of my home and life at a time. Until then.

OFF THE SUBJECT

I went to heaven this week. My idea of heaven anyway, without Hugh Jackman, Johhny Depp, Phil Keoghan (the amazing race) or Anderson Cooper. (I know, I know....only in my dreams!) But they are my dreams. I went to a place that totally transformed my constant frown into a wonderful, blissful and sometimes a bit tipsy smile. It was, dare I say, heavenly. Even my voices were a little quieter, they enjoyed it every bit as much as I did, they told me so. Not very many things do that for me. My husband, even though he tries always. My kids and granddaughter usually always make me smile. But only for a short moment in time, then reality comes crashing back. The frown returns, only to deepen a bit more. By now, you should be asking: where is this magical place? How can I get there? Can I stay? Is it really, truly heaven?

The Davenport Hotel in Spokane, Washington. Yes, I said Spokane. They call it The Davenport, I call it a piece of heaven. From the first moment I walked into the lobby I was awestruck.



I am sure that I saw the front desk staff smile and roll their eyes, knowing that they had another devoted fan. I was amazed how much a country bumpkin I felt walking in the front door. The staff was perfectly behaved, never letting on that they knew I was in love. It was like a magical spell had been cast upon me. From the valet parking to the room service everything was perfect.



Did I mention The Peacock room? The picture does not do it justice. The entire ceiling is stained glass. A beautiful, beautiful colorful peacock. That's where I discovered the strawberry lemon drop martini, which is now my number one favorite adult beverage.



I spent three wonderful days there, not only in The Peacock room, but the lobby, mezzanine, our room. Did I mention the bed, the famous Davenport Bed?? It was unbelievebly cloudlike. So soft, very, very comfy. For a couple of days I pretty much did nothing. It was the first time in a long time that I can remember doing nothing. Bubbble baths, walk in the park, cozy chats by the fireplace and even got a pedicure. Even my husband commented on the return of my smile.



After arriving home (sadly) and sleeping in my own bed again, I realized something. My bed sucks! Right then and there I decide that I could transform my bedroom into that wonderful piece of heaven I just left. Color, lights, fabric, smells, all of it. I was transported by all of these things, all of my distractions lessened, my reality a little farther away. Don't get me wrong, I love my home, family, dogs, etc., but occasionally a girl needs to feel like royality. Goddess like, pampered. This is my goal, my destiny. To transform my bedroom....a close resemblence of that magical place. There I said it!

NOW TO THE ORGANIZING PART

Every corner of the room needs to be reworked. Color, smells, bedding. As I review the room, my thoughts are raise the bed (just like the famous one), add softness (just like the famous one), new bedding, rugs, lights and curtains. I bought bed raisers, they lifted the bed about six inches. Then I put a new memory foam topper of four inches on top. This made the bed about 12 inches up. The problem with this was it made getting into bed a challenge. They had a foot stool at the hotel....hmmmm. So I removed the raisers, now the bed is just the right height.
The next challenge is bedding. When moving in, I hurriedly picked out colors that I liked. My bedding was white at the time. Now, I an finding, unless I stay with white (did I mention I have three dogs?), that these colors are very hard to color coordinate with another color. Three of the walls are a soft gray/lavendar, the fourth wall is a dark purple. This makes my choices limited to black (again the dogs, white dogs), gray (blah!), chocolate (not so in love with this), or silver. I am pulling toward silvery. Is this too brazen? Trashy? Tacky? If I can't find compatible bedding, then I am afraid it will be changing the wall color. That may be an idea. I doubt my husband will see it that way, he has no problem with the white bedding and the white dogs.



I have decided that this task can be accomplished, and the room transformed by dusting, cleaning out, sorting and fluffing everything that can be. Add some new bedding, rugs and candles to make it soft, opulent, luxurious, magical as it can be. Oh yes, magical can be had. An escape from reality if only briefly, and only in my mind with my voices. Tranforming a room, your life, attitude, whatever it is, is more than a physical process. It is everybit a mental one too. A renewal of sorts. You have to let go of the crap that is associated with it, an exorism of sorts. Those demons, past and present, have to be purged from your soul and the room. I have to own the room! Or the crap, attitude...yeah, yeah. Let go of it all, at least for a while. Relax, breathe, repeat. Create one place I can go and smile.
So on with the task. Organize, clear, calm the voices. Until then.

Yes, this is what I feel like most of the time. It's sad. Hard as I may try, it's those damn voices. I put my fingers in my ears....lalalalalal...I can't hear you, I can't hear you.......lalalalalalal. No matter what I do, they manage to get into the deep, dark crevices of my little mind. Damn, damn it all.





I looked up, boy is that dated, rather I "googled" the word "organizing". This is what I found.

1. The act or process of organizing. (That makes sense.)

2. The state or manner of being organized. (How can you be organizing and organized?)

3. Something that has been organized or made into an ordered whole. (I'll have an order.)




Then I thought that I would simplify the search, and looked up "organize".

1. To put together into an orderly, functional, structured whole. (Hmmmm.)

2. To form into a coherent unity or functioning whole.

3. To arrange elements into a whole or interdependent parts.
(Is that the same as co-dependant??)

4. To arrange by systematic planning and united effort.

(Wouldn't united mean everybody?)

The first definition is what I feel like I'm doing now. The process of organizing. Truthfully, I can say that I'm in the process of getting my crap organized. Maybe, at this point in time, only in my mind, but that is processing.....mentally. Getting my thoughts gathered and lists made. (Remember the lists?) What needs to be done, sorted and thrown out.

When I started started this project, I didn't realize what a busy person I am. Truly. I am. It seems that I have a very busy schedule. Between my real job, my part-time job working with my mom, and all of my other home duties. Not to mentioned all the other personal jobs I want to include.....the gym, the dogs and the most important, items like pedicures and having my hair cut (and colored). After all a girl has to have some priorities.

Even with all of the things I am determined to stick with "the plan". I went to the store and bought some boxes, a matched set. I managed to get some of the items in my bathroom drawers and medicine cabinet sorted and in a functional, orderly manner. And they are pretty to boot!

All of this defining has made me realize something. Just how, amazingly unorganized I am, and how hard I try to seem organized to the outside world. My inner person - not the voices - but the other small person inside me, the one who has an epic daily battle with self-image, food, work, exercise, guilt....most things in life. You know, the shoulda, woulda, couldas of life. Everyone (I hope) has to deal with the same issues. Sometimes one just needs to put themselves first, despite the guilt and voices. By doing that it makes everything else better....they say....I think....I hope.

To continue - organizing. So far I have managed to remove Christmas from sight, clear drawers, bathroom medicine cabinet, make-up drawer and a new pantry. TA-DA!! Yes, I have a new, improved pantry. All pretty and straight. Everything in it's place and a place for everything. It's beautiful. (Never thought I would say that.) It makes me happy to open the doors and see all that's in it. I haven't been able to see "all" that's in it previously. While putting items back, strangely, I found spices that were older than my kids. And canned items that expired in 2005. Do you think that they are still good? What about all the preservatives in there? A couple of boxes almost empty cereal, crackers and chips. Why do people feel the need put things back when there is only less than a handful left? Why? What are we afraid of wasting? Going hungry? All those starving children somewhere in the world? Anyway, it done, complete (well, almost).

All in all, I think that I have fared pretty well so far. I promise that I will be more regular in posting in the future. I have more rooms, drawers, closets and cubby holes to get to. The voices won't let me rest on my laurels for very long. I have many, many miles to go before I rest and they shut up. I am off to Spokane this next weekend. It's our anniversary and we have made reservations in a very fancy place. I feel like a country bumpkin going to the big city. I will be sure to post pictures when I return. And update you on the Portland Gift Show that was last week.

Until then.

Another job done, but not at home like I wished for. It seems that I am lagging behind in my timeline of completely organizing my house. Instead this time it was the gift show. Somebody had to do it.

The first day didn't start out looking like the picture. All of the boxes were wrapped in shrink wrap and on pallets. The picture shows what it looked like about two hours into the day. After we had unwrapped, semi unpacked and generally scatter things about. There were boxes everywhere. Packing everywhere. And product everywhere. Everything you could imagine you would find in a tourist gift shop. Everything from magnets, pencils, sippy cups to jewelry, wind chimes and other assorted trinkets. It took five of us eight hours to make this mess look organized, presentable and desirable to the buyer. Finally we were all set. Ready for the buyers to come and buy. Hopefully buy lots.

Days two through four were all about selling. Selling, smiling, selling, smiling, smiling, smiling and even more smiling. And selling. I didn't realize how hard it is to smile all day. It is. Try it. You attempt to smile all day, all day. No frowning or scowling, just smile. I came to grips with the fact that I am just not a smiley person. I tend to be more on the sarcastic and bitchy side. I function better that way, and most who know me understand that that's the way I am. Anyway, back to the show. Most of the people were happy. I am happy to when I'm shopping. We sold trinkets and schmoozed with the crowd and all in all it turned out pretty good.

Day five, the final rush and tear down. Every buyer trying to finish up all their business before close of show. And exhibitors running around trying to buy and pick up their buys before the end of the show. Then the announcement that the show is close. Whew! Now the hard part comes. After working hard for the eight hours to set up, and the week on your feet, smiling and selling, comes the packing. What we had all day to do, we had half that time to undo and get out. It turns into a larger mess than it was to start with. Everybody tired, achy, hungry and just wanting to be done. The packing up was not nearly as neat and orderly as it came. Which leads me to the organizing part. At least, a hour or so was waiting. Waiting for our empty boxes to return. You see, you have to put the empty boxes back on the pallets and have them hauled away. For some reason, the fire Marshall thinks that it is a fire hazard to put them under the draped tables. I have heard that if they find some, they will shut down the entire show until they are properly disposed of. So, before the next show at the end of February, I plan to have as many of the cardboard boxes converted to.......whatelse......plastic totes! Plastic totes can be stored under your tables! How original, who would of thought. Not only will it save time and get us out faster, it will be cleaner and much easier to haul. So even though, it is not my original location for organizing, it is still organizing. At any rate, it makes me feel like I am sticking to the plan (my daughter says "You always have to have a plan"), accomplishing the goal of clearing crap and calming the voices.

On a completely different subject, after being away from home for six nights, arriving home, I discovered that Michael had completed many of the items that I created for him on his list. (Remember the list?) My refrigerator, that we have had for almost a year, is hooked up to water AND the ice maker even works! The pop cans were returned to the store for a grand total of $12.15 (that's a lot of cans), that will in turn buy......TOTES, of course.

All in all it wasn't a bad week. Went out to dinner, had martinis (yum) and managed to stick to the plan. I even had some time to make more lists of things to be organized. The voices are happy. Until later.

LISTS AND MORE LISTS

Remembering back to my very first entry into this blog, even though it was just three short entries ago. I mentioned that the "road" was paved with good intentions. Well, if that road is to hell, I have had enough intentions this week to pave it there and back again, and again. After all it so easy to let those intentions slip in, get all comfy cozy and be good with it. There they are, making themselves right at home before you know it.

I have a good excuse, as always, here it is.....I went to Eugene with my mom to visit my great aunt (age 85) and my great uncle (age 90). (Is that good enough?) In the meantime, I made lists. Lists of what needs to be done, lists of what should be done, and what will be done when I get home. I made Michael a list. I sure that he didn't appreciate it much, but it was a short list. Only six or seven items on it. He's lucky, I have many, many long, long lists. He only got one, he should be thankful.

Of all of the lists I made, I should of double checked the packing list. We went for three days and I only packed for two. This presented a problem, that should of been a sign. I never made it to go shopping to solve this problem. When you are traveling with the over eighty crowd, there is just not enough time. They moved very slowly. V-E-R-Y S-L-O-W-L-Y (Sorry mom). And they deserve to move slowly. But it can be frustrating to us who don't move slow. (I wonder if this is how my daughter sees me? Oh, god!) During all this slow getting around we did visit and the three of them reminisced about their childhood, work stories, war stories and in general life stories. They talked about family I never met and now wished I could of. It was enlightening. I found that by taking the time and listening to them, it made them happy and in turn made me happy. As I listened I still made lists (guilty conscience, damn voices). I did have a good visit and dinner with my granddaughter and her mom. They also live in Eugene. I applied my lesson learned and found the same results. Happy.

After three days gone and only one day at home, I got not one single item on any of my lists organized. Nope, nada, nothing, zilch. Very unhappy voices. I did do some things, just nothing that could be technically classified as organizational. Is that a word? I worked at my real job, forty hours. And did the other usual house type things that have to be done, laundry, cleaning, etc. Not one bit of organizing or clearing crap. But I have my lists. On those lists are all of my hopes and schedules for next week. I will throw out all the good intentions that have moved in. I will be determined, strong and complete a task. Organize the unorganized masses, calm the voices, clear the crap.

Next week, less lists, more totes (they are still on sale), more work and I am sure more surprises. Until then.

Memory Lane

I thought my task this time would be a larger one, but it ended up being a couple of smaller projects. Here goes......THE DREADED JUNK DRAWER! (This is where the scary music should be inserted.) And to be totally honest, in my case, drawers. Every kitchen has a junk drawer. The place where you toss all that you really don't know what to do with, but don't want to throw out at the moment. Take out menus, small tools, grocery coupons, assorted nails and screws, matches and whatever else is on the counter at the time that company pops in. It's the drawer that never closes without a struggle or an item falling out. The drawer that most of the time is the first place you look for some small item that you can't find. A nail to hang a picture or a magnet to secure an appointment card or something similar to the front of your refrigerator. You know the place, and don't say that you have never been there. We all have.
The first drawer was never intended to be permanent. It started out as someplace to put tools, screws and pieces of things that might be needed while we were (are) still working on the installation of our new kitchen. That's where a lot of things went at the end of the day, when we were through working and we wanted it out of sight. That way they were handier the next day to start all over again. (Why would you even think of putting them back where they belonged?) Sadly, it has grown to much more than that and also, sadly, there is still some work left to be done on the kitchen. (At least I'm not washing dishes in the utility sink anymore.)
It was time to open the drawer and face the music. No more tools in the drawer, they will be banished to the tool box where they belong and also easier to find. Imagine that. I realized, halfway through this that, by doing this it would most likely prolong the finishing of the odds and ends that still needed done, but, I was willing to take that risk for the peace of mind that it would bring to me and my voices. So I sorted and removed miscellaneous tools, nails, tapes, hammers, screwdrivers. I found "my" tools at the bottom of this mess. You know the ones that are bright pink with a floral print? Also the ones that I searched for and accused people of "borrowing". Don't laugh, doesn't everyone have dainty tools? And I thought nobody would want to use them, I was wrong.
After, what seemed like an eternity, I also started on the second drawer. Remember, two drawers. Who in their right mind would complete one before starting the other? In that drawer, I found much of the same including, batteries that I'm not sure are new or old, paper clips, rubber bands and all the informational pamphlets that come with all the kitchen appliances and smaller gadgets, vacuums, mixers, blenders, toasters, etc., etc. Some of these I'm sure that I don't even own anymore, I will know more about that when I get to the cupboards. Surprisingly, even this small task was a challenge. Keep or toss, that is the question. Hmmm.
It was like a growing process and a trip down memory lane. Deciding which of these memories are important enough to hang on to. Which ones didn't meet any of the requirements, in my mind, to make them valuable to keep? Things, such as, the cute little magnets that I picked up during vacations. Do you need the visual references to remember those times? If I toss them, when I am older and more forgetful, will I not remember? That's scary.
This is where the science project part comes into play. All of the little findings at the bottom of the drawer, pieces of this, parts of that. What is that and why in the hell did I keep it in the first place? Trying to figure out which went with what and which random parts were thrown into the bottom of the drawer just to confuse me? This is why the process takes so long. You have to stop and smile, remembering all the seemingly sane reasons that you decided to buy some of what I call crap now. Why did the muscle bound man magnet that says "Stop, step away from the refrigerator", seem so funny? Or the sparkly shiny fish? Must have been some sort of sub-conscious meaning. Fish? Water? Am I drowning? With great sorrow the man and the sparkles went in the good will box, never to grace the front of my refrigerator again. (Take a moment of silence.)
In the second drawer, I also found a mostly empty pack of cigarettes. I can't even remember how long they have been in there. In the old days, and not so along ago days, I used them when I was majorly stressed, which seems to most of the time. Them and alcohol. As I gently handle the pack, I remember how good it used to feel....to just sit....smoke....drink and ponder whatever was the stress's at the time. In my head, those three things, that sacred ritual, made me some how feel better. Also, the few, very few, people who knew of this ritual, left me completely alone. Most of the time, this was a good thing. Eventually, I tossed the partial pack in the garbage and bid them farewell. Another realization of some growth on my part. I still have stress moments, but I handle them differently now. I don't know if it is better, just different.
Amid all the sorting, wondering, tossing, cleaning and remembering I managed to get some other life things done. I did get to the gym a couple of times, I think that's good. Bought groceries. Have you ever noticed how unhappy people are at the store? I cooked dinner, twice in a row, to the shock of my husband. Worked my usual 40 hours and took a starting glance at the garage. (Reminder, need more totes.) All in all it was a constructive time off. The drawers are straight, clean and fairly empty. All of the tools are in a box in...yep, the garage. Talked with both the kids, played with the dogs, hung a couple of mirrors, shopped with my mom and glanced through a couple of new books I received. One on organizing (amazing) and one on happiness. Not that they go hand in hand, just keeping up with all of the ideas coming from the voices.
Back to work, and deciding what to organize next. Until later.